Gratitude - Day 2

Today I'm grateful for a couch that's kind enough and comfortable enough to sleep on. I wasn't feeling great last night and by the time I made it home I changed into pjs, took some sudafed, turned on the tv and sat down. Next thing I know I could hear my alarm going off in the other room.  I vaguely recall turning off the tv but mostly was just out!

Gratitude day 1

Today I'm thankful for peanut butter.  It's so tasty and comes in a variety of forms and flavors!

Day 2

Tears shed: Zero
Depression level: non existant

Somehow I thought today would feel different but instead it just feels like a normal Saturday. Perhaps Tuesday will feel different when I don't go to work. But who knows. Maybe I'll settle into a routine and be fine. Yesterday was a day of mixed emotions. I was definitely sad but the sadness seemed to stem more from knowing I wouldn't get to see my friends every day. That I won't be able to chat with them, keep up with their day to day lives and that eventually it's quite possible that I'll lose track of some of them. Thinking about that possibility is difficult. What I need to remember though is that it doesn't have to turn out that way. The loss isn't the reality - what I make it is. We might not see each other all the time but we can still be friends. I don't talk to my friends in Fresno that often but I still feel like we're friends. And when we do speak with each other we seem to fall back into those roles easily. I need to write out a list of why I had to quit so that I can refer back to it when I start to doubt it was the right decision.

Day 1

Tears shed: Too many to count
Depression level: Low

It kind of seems odd to me that those two things shouldn't go hand in hand. So much in the past few years has caused those to entertwine or be dependent one on the other. Well, I supposed I should give you a bit of a background on this story so that you can catch up. I have a terrible habit of starting stories in the middle and assuming everyone will get caught up. Now on with the story...

4 months ago I quit my job. However today was the last day. Yes, I know, 4 months notice? Yep. And when I gave the notice September 2nd seemed SOOO far away. What prompted me to give this notice? The short answer: a new boss. One who can't manage worth a darn, who frustrated me on a daily basis, who couldn't remember anything he was told and one that I couldn't ever see myself working long term for. So, I turned in my notice. In theory I thought having the deadline would make me uncomfortable enough to seek out a new job. And it did, in fact I actually even had an offer. Sometime I'll try and work the story of that offer into this blog too. But in the end - there was no new job. But you know what? I still feel all right about the decision. Crazy isn't it? Today was definitely a difficult day. I cried quite a bit however in my heart I still feel it's what I needed to do. So now the question becomes: How do I pay my bills? Where do I work next and what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this?

I'm starting this blog to keep track of my progress. And also to monitor where I am in my mental state. I need to remember where I am now and keep this feeling inside of me as things start to get tougher or look more bleak.